Could I please get a review of my cover letter?

[Adam]

Adam M Alvarez
1 Wachusett St, Worcester, Ma 01609
(714)222-9641
aalvarez808@gmail.com




  I started fishing as a young boy with my father.  We would fish from the shore on lakes like Lake Chabot, and Del Valle, located in the Bay Area of California.  In these early days, we mainly targeted trout to bring home and eat.  One day while throwing a small inline spinner bait my father hooked a 2lbs largemouth bass, and from that day on we were hooked.  We bought a small aluminum fishing boat and started fishing the California Delta.  We had many great times on the Delta and caught many more bass.
 
  Upon graduating high school I moved to Massachusetts and entered the job market.  I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do at the time so I got a part time job as an overnight cashier at a convience store.  It didn't take long for me to realize that this was not the direction I wanted to go.  After a few more failed attempts I finally settled on Radio Shack.  At Radio Shack I was trained in many different techniques for sales and marketing.  The most effective I found was putting a product in potential customer's hands letting them really get a good feel for it.  After I left Radio Shack, I went to work for Blockbuster.  At Blockbuster I quickly became known as the "popcorn king".  I got this title because I sold more popcorn than anybody else in the store simply by asking every customer that came through if they would like a bag of microwave popcorn to go with their movie.  This by itself had a great impact on the profitability of the store.

  I feel that I could be a great asset to company x.  I have the knowledge needed to be an effective salesman, and I have the desire and drive needed to be successful.  I will put your product in the hands of everybody that I come into contact with, and I will strive to be your number one representative.

  Thank you for your time, and consideration.  I look forward to hearing from you, and the opportunity to be part of a winning team.

[Swede]

Will give the first paragraph a shot -

I started fishing as a young boy with my father.  We would fish from the shore on lakes like Lake Chabot, and Del Valle, located in the Bay Area of California.  In these early days, we mainly targeted trout to bring home and eat.  One day while throwing a small inline spinner bait my father hooked a 2lbs largemouth bass, and from that day on we were hooked.    We had many great times on the Delta and caught many more bass.

My father introduced me to fishing.  We fished many of the lakes in the Bay Area of California - targeting mainly trout.  On one particular outing while using an inline spinner, my father hooked a two pound bass, and we have been hooked ever since.  We bought a small aluminum fishing boat, started fishing the California Delta, and have caught many more bass.

By no means am I the expert - just one guy with a keyboard.  I always look at ways at making resumes shorter and still convey what I wanted.  Most sponsors get many of these - they don't know you - and don't like to read a book.  At least that is what I have been told.  Take it - adjust as you think best.

[fishforfree]

Adam - I liked the story, unfortunately it has nothing to do with a cover latter on approaching a sponsor.

If you are going to present a cover letter it should be written in the sponsors interest.

In other words, what would interest the sponsors?  What would make the potential sponsor read.....and read more........and read more?

It really takes looking at things as a businessman would. 

Pretend you owned a business or were the marketing VP of a medium to large sized company.  Your phones (office and cell) ring constantly.  You constantly are checking voice mails.  You check all 17 of your e-mails - actually you have someone decipher your e-mails and send you only the "legitimate" ones.  You respond to and send out faxes.  You schedule meetings and reschedule meetings because of your children's involvement in soccer, dancing, piano lessons, etc. 

AND................................. you read your snail mail which more then likely has been sorted through by your assistant so you receive the relevant mail only.

So, to make a cover letter effective......man..... you better grab 'em by the throat with whatever you are sending.

I'm not trying to lash out here, just want anglers to understand that sponsorship is business and it should be treated that way. 

Scott (aka FFF)

[CouchTater]

Adam,

You cant go wrong with the info that Scott (FFF) gives ya.